Adventures in Solitude

new blog

2010-07-11T10:41:00.001-07:00

hi there.

for my giant adventure, beginning september 3rd, 2010, i'll be blogging HERE!

check me out there. :)

anna

BIG news

2010-04-22T07:06:00.000-07:00

I have on my to do list: "Final Blog Update", among several other things. I thought, okay, I'm home, I should blog about San Cristóbal and coming home. It will be my LAST BLOG.

Well, I will get to that, maybe later today, maybe this weekend. But for now, here is some news and some thoughts.

No, I didn't get married in Mexico.
Last February, I applied for a fellowship. It's called the Bonderman Travel Fellowship. More or less, it's $20,000 to travel for at least 8 months, solo (or, for me, sola). :)

Yep, you guessed it, I GOT IT. I found out last Friday, but didn't start telling people until I told my parents (e.g. now). So, in September, I am going to be taking a year leave from school in order to travel the world for 8 months.

This is still all quite unreal to me, and nothing is finalized except the fact that I have the award, but here is my tentative itinerary:

1. I am absolutely definitely without a doubt returning to Mexico. Which means that I will get to see Oaxaca, staying with another family, I hope. I will also probably get to go to Guatemala and El Salvador. I hope to be in Spanish speaking countries for at least 3-4 months, because it is TIME to really learn that Spanish, dag-nabit!
2. After that, I think I will venture out into the Pacific Ocean to Western & American Samoa. I want to spend most of my time on Western Samoa, but my students have told me (my Samoan students, that is) that I have to see American Samoa so I can compare the two.
3. After that, I'd like to swing over to the Philippines and Indonesia (yeah, relatively vague...not like there are hundreds of Islands or anything).

I was considering Thailand and Vietnam, but I think I would like to focus my attention on two major regions of the world, to begin with. I might start with Central America, or I might end closer to home. That way, if money does run out, etc., it's a cheaper plane ticket home.

Regardless of where I go, this opportunity continues to just blow my mind. It feels like every time I tell someone about it, I realize all over again that this is, indeed, happening to ME. I can't believe it.

On a closing note, I can't believe the incredible nature of the past four months. At the end of January, I thought my life was taking a turn for the worse. I had been sick, lost a bunch of weight because of it, lost an important relationship, and things were very uncertain. I'm not sure how I managed to do it, since it was so out of character for me, but I embraced the uncertainty. I think it saved me. The entire situation with the Bonderman Travel Fellowship is based on embracing uncertainty, and I feel that I can do it. It's funny how life events play into one another like that.

I think that going to Mexico was healing for me in many ways, but more importantly, it opened my eyes to how little I know about the world. And it helped me see how dangerous that is, especially as a citizen of the most influential nation in the world. It's opened up this treasure chest of feelings and dreams inside of me. In a way, I have the travel bug, but it's not desperate or "come on come on come on". It's just as if I found a new room in my house, and realized that I have tons of cool things to play with for the rest of my life. So now, I know that I have all of these dreams, all of these places I want to see, and more importantly, people I want to meet.

The Bonderman is helping me address at least six of those dreams in one continuous streak (six countries, that is, at least). Wow.

I told my host mom in San Cristóbal about it, and side commented, ¡Qué suerte! ¿Sí?

She sternly informed me, en español, that it was not luck. Clearly, I didn't understand what "luck" was. This was obviously ("¡Claro que sí!") a case of intelligence and a deserving person. It was humbling. But you know what? She's right. And I'm ready.

More on the tail end of my Mexico journey soon. Know that I'm home, safe, incredibly happy, and tanner than everyone else in Seattle, for at least the next week.

Ciao!

i can´t stop eating. and pictures.

2010-04-14T19:25:00.001-07:00

I cannot refuse any food that my host mom puts in front of me. It´s impossible. Today, la comida was ginormous, and then at 5 we went for crepes and coffee. At 7, I went salsa dancing and was STILL FULL, but when I got home at 8, Isabel had tacos for me....of course, I ate them all. I think I am going to explode, but I can´t stop. I am eating like I will never eat real Mexican food again. Oh, my stomach...Today, la comida was accompanied by homemade horchata and salsa verde. Need I say more? I did have a fleeting thought of my mom´s baked mac and cheese today, somewhere in between the exploding stomach feeling. So perhaps that´s the meal I will pursue when I first get home. :)

I thought I would write a bit about the other places I saw on the Yucatan, and link to the photo albums, even though you have probably seen them already.

After Palenque, Jessie and I went to Tulum, which used to be a sleepy little beach town that didn´t have much but cabanas and a Mexican population. Now, there´s an ADO bus station and a zona hotelera (a hotel zone, much like in Cancun). But, you can still get away from it all. We stayed in the second home of a couple (who spoke little English), and were the only renters that night, so we had a whole house to ourselves. A shared bedroom and bathroom, but an open air kitchen and courtyard. All for us! We rode bikes to the Tulum ruins, where we not only saw Mayan ruins but played on one of the most beautiful beaches I think I will ever see in my life. Then, we rode our bikes to Gran Cenote, which is a big cenote just outside of Tulum. A cenote is an underground cave that has an underground freshwater source. It´s really cool, you can snorkel and there is actually quite a bit of life. Stalactites and the like (or stalagmites....I don´t remember which goes up and which goes down). Then, we biked back to town and went to the supermarket for a few grand meals: Nutella and banana, pastries, and some sandwich fixings. Oh, and a six pack of XX Lager, which we found incredibly difficult to consume. No, I´m serious, we ended up pouring out half of our last one, because we were so tired and so NOT in the mood for full tummies of beer. Haha, such partiers. Anyway, Tulum was wonderful. I got to use Spanish, the beach was beautiful, the ruins are in an incredibly scenic, unique place (on the edge of the Caribbean), and we experienced it all via bike. Link to the album below...

Tulum

The day we left Tulum, we went out to Coba, another Mayan site that is a little more remote. It is situated next to a lake with CROCODILES!!! OMG!!!!! Cool! Lots of cool birds there, too....unfortunately I don´t know the names of any of them...When we arrived on the bus, the bus driver told me, in Spanish, that we could leave our bags on the bus because he was staying in town and driving us back at 330 pm. Uhhh...what? No, no, he says, me confides!!! (Trust me).....uhhhh....welll, we had no other option. It was either trust him or carry full bags all the way through the ruins in the heat....so we took a huge chance. And he totally wasn´t lying at all, and was REALLY offended that we didn´t trust him. We agonized over whether we should tip him, but ended up just saying "Lo siento" a lot, and accepting the fact that he hated us. Coba was fantastic! These were the only ruins we visited that had something to climb that was tall enough to break the canopy. The view was astounding. It was also really fun because there were lots of English speaking guides there, so we just listened in without paying. Ha! Frugal much? We rode bikes around the site, which is really spread out, and ate at a restaurant that claimed to be "la comida tipica de Yucatan", but I´m not sure it actually was. Oh well. We then took the bus from Coba to Playa del Carmen, where we planned to stay, but we hated it so much we left after 2 hours. Apparently you need to leave the main part of town to find anywhere worth enjoying, because it´s being "Cancun-ized". We decided to stay a night in Cancun instead before Jessie´s flight, and chose the worst hostel I have ever stayed in. Dirty, loud, only ONE BATHROOM FOR THE WHOLE HOSTEL, and none of the fans worked. We were glad to leave. Link to the photos from Coba below.

Coba

I went back out to Isla Mujeres to regroup and decide what to do, and my previous post explains how I chose San Cristobal de las Casas....and here we are, totally updated, yes?

Just because I haven´t done it, here´s a link to my photos from Isla Mujeres and Cancun (the first days of my trip). I haven´t gone through them at all, so there are way too many and some are sideways.

Isla and Cancun

More later.

XOXO Anna

On the best choice I have ever made...

2010-04-12T19:17:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here in a fantastic Mexican home in San Cristobal de las Casas, Chiapas, Mexico. Let me tell you how I got here, typing on a small German computer.

Last week, on Thursday, I had a Skype interview for the Bonderman Fellowship. They asked me lots of tough questions, and I did the best I could given the delayed connection and my incredible lack of travel experience. One of my College of Ed professors actually interviewed me, and his question really changed my experience in Mexico. He said, "So, Anna, when you get to all of these places, what will you do to get a feel for the culture?" I realized that I have not really yet done that here in Mexico....wait, WHAT?! That´s why I came here....well, I did see a lot of things of historical significance...I realized that my trip has been marvelous, but I haven´t learned a lick of Spanish OR immersed myself in the culture at all. I am comfortable here, now, it is easy for me to get around, but wait...isn´t that a safe spot?

Uh oh...

So, my options for my last week were to spend it snorkeling on Caye Caulker in Belize or to come back to Chiapas for some real Mexico. As you already know the choice I made...well, I don´t need to explain why. But I do need to tell you why this is the best choice I have ever made:

1. Homecooked Mexican food, in Chiapas, is so excellent that I can´t even begin to tell you. A peek into it: my first meal was a stuffed poblano pepper, baked in cheese and covered in a homemade sauce. Paired with some kind of pear juice. For dessert? A fresh mango. This one did NOT give me diarrhea. Yet.
2. Being forced to use Spanish has already given me a fantastic insight into what I need to learn (VERBS and more than just the PRESENT tense). I am taking three hours of private Spanish classes per day, and I already have used the Spanish I learned this morning in the market, to barter prices with las artesenias.
3. Being outside of my comfort zone, which is why I am here. I have already thought "I want to go HOME" but it was fantastic because immediately after I thought "shut up you wussy and just enjoy the moments and days before they are gone and you dwell on missing Mexico!" And.....it worked. I have never before been able to quell homesickness like that, but it worked.
4. Getting out of party central, a.k.a. most hostels in Mexico that have lots of traveler traffic. While it´s easy to meet people who are looking for more than a party, it´s hard to get out of the scene. That was the problem with Isla Mujeres, and why I left so soon after returning for some easy living. I realized it was too much bum life and not enough experience.

So, I realize that when Gene (mi profesor) asked me how I would get to know cultures, he was really asking me if I was doing that here. The answer was no, and I think that it´s possible it could cost me the Bonderman (yikes), but the real growth here, and the real win is that now I know how I want to experience other countries and cultures. Hostels are great, and cheap, but families are welcome and knowledgeable, and FORCE you to accustom to their way of life. Hostels cater to travelers.

I love Chiapas, too, because in a way it reminds me of home. It poured today, freezing cold rain, and it is not humid or super arid here. It´s been relatively temperate, and I had to buy some sweaters because my trip originally planned only for the Yucatan. I love it. The people here are split between the indigenos (indigenous people) and the Ladinos (those of Spanish descent) and the split is pretty obvious. But nevertheless, the cultures exist, and I get to experience them. Ah....

I realize this is a long post, and I am sick of typing with the y and z switched places (German keyboard), so I will sign off. Bedtime, I think.

I love you all so much, and appreciate you all now more than ever, as I am such a stranger in this world over here....but I will come home soon, and probably spend too much time talking about Mexico as well as wear too many brightly colored pieces of clothing and jewelry. :) Can´t wait, but for now, it´s espanol classes and San Cristobal!

Hasta luego....

wow, i'm backlogged on photos

2010-04-09T06:16:00.000-07:00

Jessie flew in, we went to Merida. Great Mexican city, good food and great museums which we never got to see because it was Easter and everything shuts down...We met some Germans. They had a car, and they let us ride with them to Uxmal and Kabah, two cool Mayan ruins....here's a link to that album...Not all of these are worth looking at, but I don't have the internet time to sift through them all!! Sorry! I will be going back and adding captions soon..

Uxmal and Kabah

Next, we went to Palenque, which is in the jungle and also in Chiapas...amazing. The people we met there were great - it was much more real Mexico than anywhere else we'd seen yet, even with all the tourists. We drove out to Agua Azul, one of the amazing waterfall systems out there, and saw another beautiful waterfall that reminded me of Multnomah Falls. We also went to see the Mayan ruins there, which were really impressive, especially surrounded by jungle...As I mentioned before, I don't promise that all of these photos are worth looking at, but I put up everything I took...The Palenque ruins were also the site of the infamous street mango...

Palenque

Post on Tulum and Coba coming soon...feel free to peruse the photos on Picasa and I will get captions up soon!

Much love!

on getting diarrhea during an 11 hour bus trip

2010-04-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

FYI this is graphic but I think it´s funny....so welcome to last night for me.

Okay, so now I know what I´m made of. And it STINKS!

No, but seriously, at about 3:30 am today, I realized that I was going to lose my sh*t during the bus ride (of which there were still 4 hours left)...NOT a good feeling. Worst stomach cramps ever, and as I made my way to the back of the bus in a panic, I cursed Don Muchos and his stupid restaurant´s disclaimer that they "disinfect the food and water, always". I made it to the toilet, but couldn´t lock the door, so I proceeded to sit down and let loose one-handed. Yeah, I had to hold the door closed the WHOLE TIME. After I was sitting there for about 20 minutes, I realized that if I braced my feet on the wall next to the door, I could hanker it closed and force the lock. Ahhh, sweet victory. But it was soooo hot, sweat was dripping down my face and I was sure I was going to die in the sardine can bathroom on an ADO bus. Nausea was washing over me in waves, and I thought, what the hell am I supposed to do if I start puking, too?!?!?! About 1 hour and 4 bathroom trips later, all resembling the first, I felt like maybe it had passed...It´s been about six hours now, and while things are much improved, I can assure you that it´s not over yet. Bienvenido a Mexico.....Then I realize that I ate a street mango yesterday...Damn...it´s totally my fault. :)

But why stop there, when the entire bus trip was eventful! We began it by being stopped by the federal police, and they instructed all of us to get off the bus, where we were sniffed by drug dogs and got to watch them check our luggage, presumably for drugs or weapons. So that was a bit unnerving, but I felt okay since I didn´t have any drugs or weapons.

At the beginning of the trip, I had developed this amazing knack for sleeping while traveling. Yeah, that´s gone now. Now, diarrhea aside, I tend to wake up at the oddest times (like 1 am, after sleeping for 1 hour). The nice thing is that everyone else is asleep, and no lights are on in the bus, so you can see the star or moonlit country side. It´s a bit magical, really. I have been plugging in my iPod and letting the music take me wherever it will...It´s a nice little break from it all.

My camera battery is dead, but we supposedly have a private room at this hostel in Tulum, so I will charge everything and maybe get a chance to post photos from Merida (including Uxmal and Kabah) and then from Palenque (including Agua Azul and the Palenque ruins, site of the infamous street mango) as we leave Tulum tomorrow.

Wish me and my bowels well, I fear we´re in for a ride.

Hasta luego, amigos....

Merida

2010-04-02T19:38:00.000-07:00

Still can't figure out the accents on the keyboards. This one shows a typical keyboard here, but types like one in the US. Huh?

Let me tell you quickly about today, and then I have to run to catch a bus. No photos yet, sorry, don't have time to upload, but today was an adventure.

We've been in Merida (a REAL Mexican city, according to all) for two nights. Same cool story: meeting great people and having a good time eating and lazing about. Also, went to see the ruins at Uxmal today with a group of German girls (3) and one German guy. They had a rental car, so we rode with them....um wow. I thought I was going to DIE. Driving here is crazy. At one point, we tried to get lunch in a little town called Ticul (a whole story in itself), and ended up going the wrong way down the busiest street. Crazy gringas....

The ruins, though, the ruins! I took over 200 photos today, I'm pretty sure. I will sift through and upload some probably when we are in Tulum in a few days. By then, We'll also have seen the Palenque ruins, too. It's really quite touristy (or, touristic, as the Germans say) at Uxmal, but we got there early enough to have a bit to ourselves and before the heat was unbearable. Amazing that these structures still exist like they do, and it's amazing to climb up and down them and realize that the steps are so small because they fit the people that built them. My duck feet barely fit on the steps, and as the wind was blowing I felt a few times as if I might tumble down as a punishment for my huge Chacos.

Lunch in Ticul was amazing, we paid 188 pesos for 6 people to eat a full, wonderful, local meal - with drinks. The people here take Easter seriously, too - we got to witness the locals walking around town singing, chanting, and carrying lifesize crosses as a way to begin celebrating....It is Good Friday, after all.

Jessie and I catch a night bus to Palenque tonight, and I hope we will get some much needed sleep because I am exhausted. So much sun, sweat, and not enough water, no matter how much I drink.

I can't get enough of this region: the food, the people, the places, the weather, the sights, the language....It's a shame I have to come home. But then I realize something cool about myself, as I'm thinking this: part of what's going to make me an excellent teacher is my openness to people who are different from me. In fact, not just openness - excitedness or interest or something. It's what makes me able to hang at these hostels, with a bunch of (let's face it) sometimes weird people...it's what makes it so much fun. But my drive to use that part of my personality and others to really serve a population that deserves high quality teachers is what really brings it all together.

It's funny, because I was thinking about this trip today, and how it's probably the best thing I've ever done for myself. Oddly enough, I'm not doing very much soul searching, not like I thought I would. I'm mostly just RELAXING....which is what I needed anyway. I know who I am (or who I am becoming), and what I want, but I work too damn hard. So I don't need solitude and soul searching - I need fun and adventure! Exactly what I'm getting.

Photos soon....

Muchos besos!!

Isla Mujeres Photos

2010-03-30T09:46:00.000-07:00

Here are some photos that show the spirit of Isla Mujeres. I am definitely coming back here. It's so easy and fun to be here. It might make me lazy, though.

The three lies of Isla Mujeres:
1. "I am leaving tomorrow" - the running joke is that everyone comes for a few nights but stays for a few weeks. It is hard to leave
2. "I am not drinking tonight" - even if you aren't getting drunk, you are having a beer or two, because after about 8 pm there is nothing to do but have a beer, and you can't sleep because the music is so loud
3. "I love you" - the same story wherever there are groups of Latin men, I think

So far, I have stuck to my leave date, I have had beers even when I said I am not drinking, and only one man has told me he loves me. Ha! The three lies hold true....

And now, on to some photos, ya? I can't get the captions to work, so here are what the photos are of...I am sick of messing with the layout so deal with the ugly ok?!?!?!

#1: The ferry ride to Isla Mujeres...one of the most beautiful boat rides I have ever taken!
#2: Las chicas...
#3: Snorkeling trip...
#4: Kerstin and I!
#5: A typical day..
#6: Me gusta Isla Mujeres...
#7: New friends...Jito, Kerstin y Kian

Still in Isla Mujeres

2010-03-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

I don't want to leave Isla Mujeres. In fact, I think I'll come back and spent my last few days of the trip here. There are so many cool people, and it feels much safer here than in Cancun, of course. It's nice because there are so many turistas here, backpackers and otherwise, so lots of ease getting around and communicating, and all of that. I like it. Tomorrow, I leave to meet Jessie in Cancun, which will be sad and happy, because I will leave here but start a fun week with a good friend.

Not much to update, other than yes, I'm still alive. Been going to the beach during the day, reading a lot, and at night just hanging out at the hostel bar reading or playing games. I love it here. Everyone is very interested in the book I'm reading, Subtractive Schooling, and then I get to talk about teaching. I guess I never will leave it behind anywhere, you know?

I haven't figured out how to upload my photos to these computers, yet, but sometime when there is no, as they say, long row for the computers, I will have another whack at it.

Ciao!

Current place: Isla Mujeres, Mexico

2010-03-26T14:28:00.000-07:00

Learned today that they don't let you board a flight to Mexico unless you have a ticket back. Therefore, I'm coming back on April 20th. Cheapest fare I could find, and I decided that I'm not going to push the solo traveling past a month.

I also realized that when you travel, you find "safe spots". You know, you spend all this time embarrassed, finding a bus, but once you are nestled into that seat, no one can touch you. I'm in a safe spot right now, on the computer, instead of out meeting people like I should be. So, here I go....but Isla Mujeres is beautiful - full of Europeans as it turns out. I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into, but I hope its more than just a bunch of safe spots all over the world.

I already made a bad move: I took a colectivo which you are apparently not supposed to do. But I waited for 35 minutes for the Ruta 13, which I'm pretty sure doesn't exist, and it was HOT as HELL, so I jumped onto a colectivo (on accident, really). So far, I've only been ripped off twice and had someone not get what I was saying once. I'm on a top bunk and have no idea where to get food. Follow your nose?

Hasta luego....

Current town: Orlando, FL

2010-03-25T14:05:00.000-07:00

This is suddenly morphing from a teaching blog into a travel blog. Sorry, but that's just the way it is. I'm currently in Orlando, FL, by way of Cedar Key, FL, en route to Mexico.

Some current highlights of my life:

1. Just found out that I am a 2010 Knowles Teaching Fellow. If you don't know what that means, Google it. It's pretty amazing, and to be quite honest, was VERY unexpected.
2. I am a finalist for the 2010 Bonderman Travel Fellowship. Again, Google it, surprised, amaaaaazing.
3. On my way to Mexico for ___???___ weeks. Not sure when I'm coming back, but I do think that I will be in Mexico for the entire time. No border crossing for me this trip, save the U.S.-Mexico water border.
4. Spent a few days in an idyllic town called Cedar Key, FL. Amazing place. So many types of birds, I couldn't even begin to count them or name them. Among the many, though: pelicans - such awesome birds! Egrets, herons, bald eagles....wow! Saw manatees, too! They are SO CUTE and SO UGLY all at the same time. Confusing, really. Such a beautiful place....Got to visit with family that I don't see enough, as well, and ate the most wonderful food.

EDIT/ADD!
5. Also! Forgot that this morning I got to grab a quick breakfast just off the UF campus in Gainesville with an old friend from the SRS Research days. Julian gave me lots of good advice for places to go and see in Mexico....got me really excited to get there!
6. Last, but not least, I dyed my hair. It's a little hilarious, because I did it out of a box, but whatever. Don't worry, to all who know me well, of COURSE it's wash out, non-permanent dye. It's already been through 1 of the 28 washes that will take it out. Actually, it's still coming out of my hair. Pretty funny, especially because I missed a big chunk in the front. Oh well, can't do anything about it now. All the blond I tried to cover up has turned reddish brown, so I hope that goes away. I know I won't wash my hair 28 times over the next month, though. :) Who knows what will happen on that front!

All in all, I'm having a great post-teaching program life. Money is getting tighter, but my worries are fading away. My biggest decisions facing me are which Mayan ruin to visit first. But before that....Isla Mujeres. Google it. :)

This is how I will be keeping people (mostly my mother) posted during my trip. So don't expect a quick email response. Check here first!

Hasta luego...

EDIT!!
A parting thought: I've spent most of the afternoon in my hotel room, packing, showering, eating, prepping, checking over and over that I know where my money is, and then had a brief conversation with my friend Heather. After talking with her, I realized that even though this is a minor adventure to some people, this is a huge one for me. This is the first time that I have left the country on my own. This is the first time I have really traveled on my own, period. It's certainly the first time I've ventured somewhere on my own that isn't English-speaking (well, let's be honest, a lot of the Yucatan is English speaking...). But still. This is a big deal for me, and even though I know it will fly by, I am really proud of myself. I am really proud of who I am becoming, and the way that I allow (and do NOT allow) things that happen to me to shape who I am. This is a sort of liberation movement for me, one that can't really be taken on by anyone else. To me, that's really exciting (scary too). Aside from all of this serious crap, it's also just really FUN. I haven't even left the country and I'm already having fun meeting people and just having pleasant interactions with strangers.

Either way, I'm proud of myself, and I'm proud of anybody who's been through tough things and not let them define who they will become. Wheeeee haw!!!!!

On a side note, I have no idea if I will be able to post pictures to this at any time, but I'm going to try my hardest.

See you on the flip side!

...On coming to the end.

2010-03-18T07:45:00.001-07:00

Well, here it is. The end of student teaching. The end of the hardest 7 months of my life. I've failed, succeeded, lost relationships, made new ones (hell, strengthened old ones), and through it all I have held my head high and forged ahead to this point.

This week, I am saying goodbye to the 150 young people who have taught me how to be a teacher. 150 young people who somehow managed to get me to open my heart up to myself again. 150 young people who showed me what respect really is, and what culture really is. 150 young people that I will never be able to forget.

I am saying goodbye to two fabulous people that I have lived with for almost 3 years now (I'm only saying goodbye as roommates, but it's still sad!). I am saying goodbye to the staff at this school, who have taught me more than I thought I could ever learn about teaching for social justice, teaching for learning, teaching for kids. I am saying goodbye to my teaching cohort, who went through this hurricane with me, and will likely never all be in the same room again. And, of course, I am saying goodbye to my comfort, as I break out on a month long solo-ish adventure to Central America.

All of these changes are resonating with me deeply right now. As I move towards Monday, I move towards a day when everything is going to change for me, permanently. When I come back from this trip, I will not be the same - that's the point.

As I read the notes that students have written me, I am realizing how many kids I really did reach. I always said that for me, teaching was about making an impact - at least one. If I made an impact in even one kid's life, I would be happy. Today, I'm realizing that I can set my goals a little higher than that. I have made a difference in so many kids' lives, and even if the only thing they remember is that they like science - mission accomplished, that's an impact.

There are lots of things that I want to write here. But I think I'll leave all 3 of the people who will read this a rather extensive sample of quotes from my students, regarding me leaving...
*****************

"I only came to class because of you."

"OMG! I'm gonna miss you soooo much!"

"Damn class feels super weird without you and boring!"

"If the chicken don't fly on Saturday, then it's probably gonna fly on Sunday."

"Remember the chicken taste its best fried."

"When you are here, I had a lot of time funny! I don't know how to say with you, but I'm so sad when you leave...I wish you have happy time in the new place. And we always welcome you back in this school. Miss you!!"

"Your a pretty KOOL chick and I hope you seriously find some doode whos lucky enough to have you and totally make some cute babies [LOL] haha sorry talk about random."

"I am gonna miss you because you are one of that best teacher that I had in my life. I want to thank you because you always help me when I have questions."

"Your style of teaching is very helpful to me."

"You are a great teacher because you really cares about us and you don't want anybody to get hurt during the lab."

"I loved learning from you and your cool ways."

"We all created a bond with you as a class."

"Stay safe!"

"God bless you!"

"You have been a great teacher to me and I'm sad that your leaving but I know thats how life goes people that you love or you like come and go. I think that you have made me a better student."

"Being a TA for you guys was fun. Even though you guys didn't have much for me to do."

"It's a very good thing for me to know you, and you be my teacher...So now I know that you will lelf use soon, and I think it's really bad between us. But I hope that you have a lot of fun when you gonna travel and take care of yourself, be back soon."

"To be honest, I really disliked you in the beginning of the year but at the same time that was cause I didnt know u...but you did what other student teachers couldn't do, that was steping up, we put you threw alot of crap but hey were lovable...Your mean for leaving us by the way"

"Don't forget me!"

"Don't get arrested stealing Mexican sand for me!"

"Have fun without us...but not too much."

"You have been wonderful and you have been there for me when I needed you...I love the way you teach!"

"Come visit, and maybe I'll come visit you too!"

"Come see us play next year we going to state come support the football team first game in september"

"Smile, pat yourself on the back, be happy, cause your officially cut out to do this stuff, yeah teaching. There are very few adults or teachers that are accepted by these students including myself. It's typical for kids to disrespect and often act in bad manners towards someone that is not the real teacher and has not been around long enough to demand kids but that someone isn't you. Somehow you have really connected w/the students and they don't want you gone. That's a big deal and a huge success"

"I know how kids can be but you've proven that they can all be more than they sometimes make themselves out to be. I thank you for teaching the greatest and most rare skill to these students, which is how to be GREATFUL..they give more effort, want to try harder, and actually care for education due to your guidance. I speak of only some but I have witnessed this myself. It's a good change to see in my classmates and friends."

"Once again, grin, smile, or something cause you have accomplished something many people don't. You have gain, earned, and deserve the respect of young youth b/c you gave it first and returned it when it was ever given - RESPECT."

"Thank you for being here. Thank you for stamping my entry task. Thank you for having a last name that reminds me of my favorite show Seinfeld. LOL :)"

Coming to the end...

2010-03-04T18:18:00.000-08:00

Here it comes...the end of student teaching. I have two more weeks...that's it! I can't believe it!

I have realized this week that March is when students really begin to trust you. They begin to buy into the fact that maybe you are here for them, for awhile (or for good). This is both amazing and problematic: I love these relationships I have built, but I have to leave them.

My current plan is to come back to visit and/or volunteer in the classroom during the month of May/June, when I return from my trip. Oh, I'm going on a trip. I'm going to Mexico, Guatemala, and Costa Rica for a month. Exciting! One of my students is making a list of places to see when I visit Oaxaca, because that's where she is from. I love this job. I love the things that it allows me to do, and the connections I get to make with people.

My students this round are people that I will remember all my life, I think. They have impacted me a lot....

More later....

:) Big smiles today!

the Knowles Teaching Fellowship

2010-02-13T15:51:00.001-08:00

I applied for this fellowship awhile ago, and recently (read: ten minutes ago) received an email letting me know that I have made it to the in-person interview portion of the selection process. There were about 200 applications, and 72 people have made it to this stage. Approximately half of these will actually receive the award, but that includes three subject areas (math, physical science, and biological science). So, my actually number of "competitors" is smaller (about 23 or so).

I am super excited about this - not only is it an exciting weekend in Philadelphia, meeting people and having the potential of receiving a great fellowship at the end - it is also a really great acknowledgment of my accomplishments so far. This is definitely something I needed right now!

I am feeling good! :)

Here's a screen shot of the email I got (hope you can see it!):

My Recent Life in a Paragraph

2010-02-12T08:57:00.000-08:00

Life is a funny thing. About two weeks ago (three weeks ago? not sure...) I got hit with a terrible stomach flu bug, couldn't make it out of my car, but ended up on the side of a busy street in Seattle throwing up and crying. This was Friday night. I got some pretty bad news the following day, and my life has been on mend ever since.

That weekend really threw off my teaching for awhile, mostly because I couldn't plan for anything while I was vomiting and trying to reintroduce food into my life. I'm really proud of myself, though, because I've bounced back from such a "non-Anna" scenario (not prepared, etc.). And, I don't think my teaching or my students really truly suffered in the meantime. I think in a way, even though they didn't know it, my students helped me through all that. Because of the relationships I've built with them, they were patient with me when I had my moments of "bad" teaching, they were helpful when they could see that I needed it, and they were kind when they could tell I was frustrated with myself for not being as ready for the day as I usually am. One student asked me if I was okay, and I told her that I was, I had just received some bad news. She told me, "Wow, Ms. Kramer, you must be really strong to be here with us after all of that." That one little statement has really carried me through. I am strong, aren't I? :)

All of this came right in the middle of what's called my PPA+ unit. It's basically a unit I teach that will get super judged/evaluated to assess whether I deserve a teaching certificate or not. Poor timing, hm? Yeah. But guess what? It's turning out really well. I think I really have a knack for this teaching thing. Even in the midst of a personal/organization upheaval, I'm able to be here for these kids, and actually use it to help me figure my stuff out. It's incredible!

I also went to our boys' last basketball game last night: phenomenal! They only beat the other team by 2 points in the last 18 seconds. There were some awesome dunks involved, a missed dunk that could have made the game, and some amazing basketball. Loved every second of it! I am really going to miss this school...I'm trying to think of something I can do for the students when I leave, because they have already done so much for me...

Ideas???? Anyone?

So far I have:
1) Write something nice about each kid, and read it aloud on the last day.
2) Have the students work as a class to make scientific posters for an experiment we are doing soon (write up the purpose, the methods, etc.) and put all of our names on it and then print it up for them

Give me ideas!

EDIT: Just realized the title implies that this post would be a paragraph. Sorry about that, definitely not a paragraph.

...On subbing a whole day by myself & ARTS NIGHT!

2010-01-21T22:58:00.000-08:00

This would be a long post if it weren't limited by my need for sleep. Here is the excitement that has happened in the past week, during which I believe I have taken a huge step toward becoming a "REAL" TEACHER:

Subbing: My mentor teacher was unexpectedly really ill, and at the last minute I found out that I was going to be in charge of our entire 1 - Biology, 3 - Biology, 5 - Chemistry day myself, which is really intense. I ended up having about 4 people come in to observe me that day, too. But I rocked it. Seriously, it was great! Of course, I will post photos later, but I managed to do some really cool stuff in my chemistry class, thanks to the advice of a certain genius mentor Melissa. I'm going to post that this weekend though, because it's 11 and I HAVE to write about Arts Night before I go to sleep. The moral of this paragraph, though, is that I can totally handle being by myself, even if I'm still shaky and a little bit unprepared, still, for TWO different preps (classes). Feeling good...

So, on to the really exciting stuff: ARTS NIGHT!
This was basically a night for all of our Arts Core students to show off the skills they had learned this semester in their Arts Core classes. Since we're an arts themed school, this is a big deal. There were yoga demonstrations, break dancing sessions, choreographed dancing, band performances (one by students who had only played for 5 weeks!) and short skits performed. The entire event lasted about 1.5 hours, and was accompanied by an academic display of student work at the back of the gymnasium. Families were invited ----- and the gym was FULL. People had to stand. It was, in a word, inspiring!

I hear so much about how our students' families "don't care" and "aren't there" but they were there in full force tonight to support their students. Watching the kids perform with big smiles and, quite honestly, the passion in their hearts for what they were doing showing through on those smiles - it really gave me quite a start. I realized that this school has really become a part of me, and with only 5/6 weeks to go, I'm going to have to start letting it go a little. I've really put my whole self into this student teaching internship...and by doing that I've fully invested in these kids. I realized that I have to start talking soon about when I leave, so that I'm not abandoning them...because I really feel that I have become a part of their schedules, their routines, even maybe their lives. They have certainly become a solid part of mine.

Tonight, I really realized the power of the community my students come from. It's the type of community that I've always craved: a bunch of people who are SO different from each other, but united by SOMETHING. They're not always united, but the possibility exists, and tonight I saw that. There were no fights, no teasing, not even any drunk kids showing up (that I saw). This was a night relatively devoid of high school debauchery. These students took PRIDE in their work. Like I said, I was inspired....

On the other hand, it really made me sad to think that I won't get to see these particular students through their high school years. I won't be able to teach at this school, but I can hope for a community like this one. I'm really going to miss these kids, but I know that I will carry a lot of them in my heart and mind for a long time, since they are the ones who have really been teaching me how to teach (along with my mentor teacher, of course). These are the people who are shaping how I do things as an educator, and these are the students that I will think back on and be motivated by for quite some time.

In other words, I love my experience thus far, and it really floors me that things are this great. I want to bottle up this enthusiasm for the hard times that I'm sure are to come in my remaining weeks here...but I know now that the highs and lows are part of the job, for me. Tonight, I'm floating high high high, and I am so proud of both the work my students have done and the pride they are taking in it.

They have SO MUCH to be proud of!

Signing off....it's past 11 now....must sleep!

Photos...

2010-01-14T17:00:00.000-08:00

Here are some photos you can enjoy.

1. The type of vitamins I have to take now, sitting on top of a pile of grading that is beginning to require its own "INBOX" on my desk.

2. The attempt I made to explain "atomic radius" to my chemistry students. They hated it. "Ms. Kramer, no offense, but that's.....well it's just weird. It doesn't have anything to do with chemistry!" Bad representation....bad analogy....but I got to use the school copier to print a worksheet that said, "rollin' on dubs" :)...

I've been sick, and barely getting by with planning and such. So I'm going to go and keep working on that...

...On never writing on your blog

2010-01-03T13:46:00.001-08:00

Well, I guess I should start by apologizing to the 3 people that read this blog since I haven't updated it since....well, it's been awhile.

I go back to school tomorrow, and I only have 2 1/2 months left.
In the spirit of the new year, let's run through the good and bad stuff that's happened since I left you hanging (all 3 of you).

Here we go:

We got to do some cool experiments in biology with eggs. Basically, Devin (the other science teacher candidate) and I put eggs in vinegar and let them sit for a few days, then rubbed the shells off. This leaves only the membrane behind, and provides a really cool model of a cell for showing diffusion and osmosis. Of course, this makes the rooms smell like vinegar and eggs, so there's that. Devin and I had a great 2 hour session of rubbing shells off eggs and just catching up; it was quite a treat in the climax of last quarter (the quarter from HELL). The students thought the eggs were totally nasty (they were RIGHT) but they had such awesome ideas about what was happening to them, and got really into designing experiments and talking science. It was great.

I bonded rather strongly with one of our biggest "troubled" students in our biology class. He informed me (this is the conversation in which we bonded) that he has 2 assault convictions, 1 residential burglary conviction, and 1 theft conviction. He is currently facing 2 more assault charges. Doesn't sound like the nicest guy, does he? But.....he really is quite a cool kid. He left for winter break, however, declaring he couldn't wait for the "party at his house tonight". After a few warnings from me about being safe and smart, he said, "Don't worry, Ms. Kramer, it's in an apartment complex. No one gets caught having parties in apartment complexes." Uhhhhh, yeah, kid, you have a lot to learn. :)

Major highlight: A student who normally sits back and feels intimidated by other students totally took charge of his lab group, "Well, we aren't going to get anything done unless we do what we need to do. So you have to listen to me now." It was amazing to see him take charge like that. Go, little science leader, go! :)

I have only been in our 5th period chemistry class on Fridays, since my fall class schedule (UW) didn't allow me to be there M-Th. The last week before break, I was able to go full-time to my school. On Monday, when I walked into 5th period, one student said, "Ms. Kramer? MS. KRAMER'S HERE, GUYS!" and EVERYONE in the class cheered for me. It had been a particularly hard day, and I had to fight from crying it made me so happy. Ahhhh, juniors and seniors. So much NICER than freshmen and sophomores......

The week before break unfortunately resulted in several suspensions and some expulsions for our students. Apparently this is normal in, at least, our school, to have chaos right before the breaks. One student attacked another in the hall, seemingly unprovoked and kept hitting her even though she wasn't fighting back. Another robbed a student before school of his backpack, iPod, wallet, and WINTER COAT. It was probably about 25 degrees that morning. Those two have been expelled, and it's really too bad because even though they obviously have trouble making good choices, they both had lots of potential. Especially the boy who robbed another student. He was so good at science, but just didn't see it as something that was worthwhile to him. These are the students who motivate me to teach. :)

A student came up to me after our last class before break and whispered, "Ms. Kramer, when are you going to teach us again? I really like when you teach."

An ELL student who I speak Spanish to the most (and badly) gave me a Christmas card. He wrote in Spanish AND translated it to English, and there might be a little "Spanglish" (Naviday). SO cute, and warmed my heart just in time for winter break because I have been working hard to encourage him to use English in class.

In my "non-teaching life" (which, let's face it, doesn't really exist), I have been snowshoeing, visiting, relaxing, enjoying local jazz shows, concerts, and just spending time with the lovely people in my life that I never get to see (read: my boyfriend and my roommates......pathetic, right?).

Things are starting up again, and I'm heading into the new quarter (UW) teaching chemistry this time. More on that later..... :)

lockdown!

2009-12-06T12:35:00.000-08:00

We had a lockdown on Friday, during 5th period. We had just had a drill last week, so we knew that this was a serious thing. There had also been a pretty significant fight at lunch involving a girl whose family sometimes gets involved, so that's what my mentor teacher thought might be going on.

We found out later that a neighbor had reported gunshots in the park next to the school, so we were locked down until the sheriff could search the area and declare it clear.

We were only locked down for about ten minutes, but it was pretty adrenaline-filled. I was in charge of locking the door, and the entire ten minutes all I could think about was whether I had actually locked it or not (even though I checked it when I locked it).

Since then, I've had a few dreams about people coming into schools with weapons and taking people hostage. Yuck. It was in those ten minutes of lockdown that I realized just how responsible I am for those kids....it was a sobering thought.

Anyway, that's the news of the day! Happy, eh?

You must be a teacher if....

2009-11-29T18:14:00.001-08:00

...you are grading on Sunday evening and your desk looks like THIS:

...On The First Week of Teaching My Own Unit!

2009-11-09T06:03:00.000-08:00

A dear old friend just reminded me that I have a blog. :) What can I say, it's been hectic!

You can probably tell that I've been busy, since I'm updating this at 6:03 am. Well, it's now or never!

Last week I began teaching a unit that I designed myself. Needless to say, I was pretty worried about how it would turn out. A) I'd never done it before and B) I'd never done it before. My mentor teacher was very supportive, though, and last week went great! Here's some highlights:

1. When describing the big drop down in numbers of a rabbit population, a student said, "It DRAMASTICALLY decreased!" Now, the blogger is underlining that as a misspelled word, but I think he may have been on to something!
2. I overheard two students having a conversation about drugs and had to approach one of them about it. She received it really well and even *seemed* to value my opinion. Hm....
3. When asked for ideas about how natural selection works, some students blew me away with the science that is built into their brains:
a. Student 1: Wait, so none of this matters, right? I mean, does it even matter if animals get eaten if they mate first? Cuz don't they just want to mate and that's their life goal?
b. Student 2: I think that maybe this fox would be able to adapt to a new environment, it would just take a really long time, since you have to wait for them to have babies.
4. I have several students who were seriously lacking in engagement and participation, and they are not only participating and not whining about class anymore, but they are GETTING 7 and 8 out of 9 ON THEIR QUIZZES! Before, a lot of them would just write "IDK". For those non-hip people who don't know text acronyms: IDK = I Don't Know.

I wish I had time to post everything that I want to post here, but I don't. Just know that I am excited, glad to be where I am, and finding that although my days have somehow all become 14 hour days, I am finding ways to stay sane and I am TEACHING these KIDS SOMETHING. It's amazing!

This is definitely the profession for me. Not to say it's not hard a lot of the time, but the rewarding parts are so worth it.

Cheers, everyone; I'll try to post more often!

...On Getting the Hang of Things!

2009-10-18T21:29:00.000-07:00

So, I know it's been awhile since I've posted....and this isn't going to be a long post. I just want to point out that the length between postings should indicate to you about how busy I am. So yeah, I've been busy. In fact, I'm supposed to be reading for tomorrow right now. But I thought I'd throw something up here first.

Teaching is hard. It's a ton of energy, even more time, and so often there is no sign of impact. At best, a day goes by where nothing really big happens. I've found that this is the attitude you get if you don't focus on the little positive things. So here's my amended philosophy....

Teaching is hard. It's a ton of energy, even more time, and so often there is no sign of impact. But if you really look hard at every interaction you have with a student, you begin to see big signs of impact. To illustrate this, I'd like to share a few short anecdotes. Then, it's off to bed (er...reading).

1) Thursday. 4th period. Student are ROWDY today, not sure why, but all classes have been like this today. My mentor teacher is tired, frustrated, and sick of asking kids why they're 10 minutes late to class. (Or do we even want to know?) She asks if I can take the class for just 10 minutes, so she can step out for some fresh air to recharge. Sure, no problem. Still won't settle down, so I decide, on the spot, to try something new. I say, relatively quietly, but oh-so-firm-and-disappointed, "You know.....you guys and girls can really do better than this. No, I'm not kidding. I know you can do great work, and I don't know why today it's so difficult, but I know you can do better. You know, why don't you...yeah, repeat after me: 'We will do better!'" The class murmurs, "wewilldobetter...." I say, "No, no, WE WILL DO BETTER!" The class says "We will do better!" except one student....one student who never speaks up for good reasons, who never participates, and can't write down assignments to save his life....this student stands up and says, "I WILL DO BETTER!" I look at him, and say, "Yes! [Student], that's great, let's say THAT! I WILL DO BETTER!" The whole class, "I WILL DO BETTER!" It was marvelous, and after that they were loud but still got their work done....not sure why it worked for that one student, or the class, but it did. It made me feel great, because you know what? It shows that somewhere under that nervous, uncertain exterior, there are INSTINCTS. And that's what really makes a teacher.

2) Friday. 4th period again. Short classes today, kids are rowdy (what is it? a weather change?!). A student who is failing (at like 20%) for some reason is energized by her "role" as a physical anthropologist in the activity we're working on today (started on Thursday), and keeps calling me over to talk about fossils. She wants to know how they're made, and tells me that her family was driving somewhere and found a big skeleton of a big cat (think lynx, cougar, bobcat, not tabby or siamese). She's never spoken to me with excitement before, and certainly hasn't ever looked me in the eye. I'm puzzled, but excited too, so I chat with her about it while I can (this is a busy, high maintenance activity for the students). She leaves class that day, saying, in singsong, "Bye, Ms. Kramer!!!" I'm still puzzled, but energized by her uncorked enthusiasm. Later, I'm leaving school, and she's sitting outside waiting for a ride home. She looks up, sees me before I can say hi, and her whole face brightens. She says, excitedly, "Hi, Ms. Kramer!" I say hi back to her, smiling as big as ever, tell her to have a great weekend, and keep moving. She has no idea the start she's given me to my own weekend, and thinking back on this....I'm still smiling for her.

Those are just two of the little victories I've had in the past two days of teaching. I can't stress enough how much these matter to me, how much they keep me going. They also encourage me, because these tiny little connections I'm making with students mean that they can tell I care about them. They're letting me in, little by little, whether they know it or not. And that is a HUGE victory, because once they trust me, I will descend upon them with science! :) No, but seriously, the realization that I can be respected and trusted after a little over a month interacting with these students is quite an honor for me. When I see 5th period (who I only see once a week), I can tell the distance that is between the students and me. They still talk to me, and still know my name, but they don't trust me. And why would they? I'm never there. That will change soon, but for now I have all of my small victories to carry me!

This got long....didn't expect that! If you're still reading, thanks! I like sharing my victories the most!

...On Feeling Rejuvenated (and some "good stuff")

2009-09-29T17:50:00.000-07:00

Right now, I'm at Zoka working on this scholarship application. It's the first real day of fall weather (true fall weather) in Seattle. Pouring rain, thunder, and cold. There's a little boy outside the coffee shop, dancing in the rain for his mom, who is sitting inside by the fire. It's pretty cute, and I'm glad to see someone else enjoying the rain instead of complaining about it. I'm sure I'll change my mind, since my school is mostly outside (trips to the copy machine will be miserable), but I still appreciate the green.

The middle of the third week has come, and it's time for me to go back to UW for classes. This is the last scholarship I will ever write, and I can really feel my entire journey of college coming to an end. Although I'll still be in classes, what's most important now is the field experience. It's making me nostalgic!

Last weekend, I was feeling like I needed to get out, so I went out to Rattlesnake Ledge, which is a short hike (2.0 miles) up to a fantastic viewpoint. I wanted some solitude, so I went for a sunrise hike. I wasn't alone on that ledge though, there was a mountain goat! It was on a ledge next to me, but didn't seem bothered by my presence at all. Lots of animals were out, since it was so early, and the sunrise was brilliant. I'll try to upload some pictures and add them to the blog later tonight when I'm home. It was only ~2 hours of my life, but it made all the difference. It reminded me how beautiful life really is, and how important it is to pass on that sentiment to young people (well, younger than me). It's easy to forget the beauty when you're surrounded by ugly situations...perhaps I can help some of my students see the real beauty of life, especially of the natural world....it really set up my week nicely!

I've had a great week so far with the students, too. I feel that I've really reached and found ways to make sure they see that I mean that I care about them. I've been trying to make leaps and bounds with certain students, and I've made an effort to say something to every kid in every period, no matter how small. I've been working on framing everything I say in a positive light, whether it's behavioral, academic, or just personal. I've never believed it more that students can see your genuine nature and intention, and that they feed off that. I think that my efforts are making a difference, and it really motivates me. Too bad this feeling is coming right when my days at the school are cut in half....

I'd like to start sharing some "good stuff" each entry. This is something that my good friend, Rebecca, does when she sends updates on her teaching in Berkeley, CA. She taught 2nd graders last year, and is a Teach for America starlet. :)

So, in true Becca nature, here is some good stuff:

A student, Lawrence, was talking about how dumb Homecoming is and how he isn't going. I said, "Lawrence, I'll be at Homecoming!" He slowly, deliberately replied: "No offense, Ms. Kramer, but that doesn't change my opinion...."

In Advisory, discussions about babies came up when Gala, who is pregnant, shared her first ultrasound with us. Bisart, a particularly vocal student, said loudly, "Man, when I have babies, I'm going to get me some twins!" As if he could just go pick them out?!

Our classroom has a gas leak (science classroom, hence the gas), so after we figured out there was one and turned OFF the gas with the main shut off switch, we needed to get the kids out of the room because it smelled awful. We walked around campus for a few minutes, chatting and letting them feel free and happy. It was fun, but frustrating because it reminds me how old our building is...not sure why this counts as "good stuff"???? :)

Another student, Daniel, has been impossible in terms of sitting down and doing work. Today, for the first time, he sat down and took his work seriously because BOTH me and my teacher were PUSHING and PUSHING him to get something done. Instead of grumbling through it, a sparkling little scientist emerged! It was incredible. He was asking questions of other students, of us, and they were great questions! I was impressed...it was a great way to leave the day.

And so, I'll leave you with a good feeling that I have:

"Teach for the pleasure of doing something you are good at, not out of a sense of duty. Teach for the satisfaction you feel at seeing others succeed, not out of a desire to 'help' them. Teach for the joy of the subject matter you are discussing, not to attain 'standards' deﬁned by others. Teach out of the love you feel for students, not out of some larger mission of social transformation."

This quote is ringing true for me this week. I am acutely aware of myself, my successes, my failures, and how all of those things, no matter how glorious or painful, have brought me to right here. And it feels GOOD.

...On Juggling My Life

2009-09-23T17:49:00.000-07:00

My latest challenge has been trying to balance my life so that teaching doesn't consume me. Not that I'm putting in too much time, but it's really overwhelming at first. Today, for example, I don't have much energy to write anything. I woke up sick (THANKS, kids.) and need a nap, but definitely needed to eat first. I also need to get some work done, desperately, so I'm headed down to a local coffee shop to do that, after a quick nap.

Needless to say, this is difficult, but I'm getting better. I am teaching more and more full periods by myself, with few to no problems or snags. I actually got 1st period to LIKE me today. We played a game that makes you share one unique thing about yourself, and a Samoan girl said, "I can sing a Vietnamese song". So, naturally, we asked her to sing it, because none of us knew that she could speak any Vietnamese! It was beautiful, and everyone clapped at the end. It felt good to be a part of such a great community. That's what I really love about this school; it's all about community! And there is a fairly tight-knit community here....

Unfortunately, it's still high school, so there is drama. One girl is trying to switch to another school (and district) to avoid the mean girls here. I don't blame her, she's pregnant and doesn't need any extra stress.

Anyway, I need to nap, so that's all for today!

...On Teaching an Entire 100 Minute Block....Alone!

2009-09-15T20:35:00.000-07:00

Today, I taught an entire 100 minute block period by myself. I did the entry task (warm-up), the administrative stuff, the lab, and the "oh-no-we-ran-out-of-time" activity. And here's the thing: the students actually listened to me.

This might seem like a silly celebration, but only two days earlier, most students were definitely of the mindset that I "was a student teacher, so therefore not a real teacher, so therefore we don't need to listen". Wrong! Right? Yeah, but they didn't budge at all, no matter what I did. So, today, I started class out, and after trying to keep them quiet for a bit, I announced that I was assigning them seats. Without a peep from my mentor teacher - she didn't even flinch - and they knew that somehow, they had misinterpreted my power. It was AWESOME! Respect, for the rest of the class, was easy to come by. All it took was a few names called out, and relative, working silence followed.

At the end of the period, we were taking books down to look at, which are numbered and ordered so that each student is accountable for one book each period. That way, if any go missing, we know who to ask. Anyway, they were having a really tough time actually figuring out that if someone else took their book, they should probably find it instead of just grabbing a random book. Instead of just sorting it out, I made them ALL put the books back, and practice grabbing the books again. Oh MAN you should have heard the moans and groans, but they did it. I think that may have helped with the whole authority issue, again, because AGAIN Ann did not even flinch, so they knew that I meant business and that she was going to back me up.

Now, this was only one period, but it did wonders for my self-esteem/confidence in front of these kids. It's amazing how incredibly daunting and intimidating these kids can be, but are they EVER!

To top it off, the termites we ordered from a biological supply company (who will remain nameless) are not coming in on time. So, I spent the afternoon prep period digging in the gardens at school searching for pillbugs (potato bugs). Needless to say, they don't WATER the gardens at my school ($$, probably), so everything was super dry. For those who don't know, pillbugs are fond of dark, wet places. So, I spent the evening digging around in my back yard. I found all the pillbugs I needed, and several spiders and centipedes that I didn't. Ugh. For an ecologist, I sure am creeped out by things with lots of legs (except octopi).

Anyway, another day in the life, I suppose. Things are becoming more of a schedule, and a student actually asked me, "Ms. Kramer, are you teaching us today?" which implies that they at least know that I'm SUPPOSED to be teaching them something, whether it's working or not....Also, it shows that they know my name (BOO-YAH!).

My new motto has become: "Small gains = big smiles." Those who have taught/are teaching will understand particularly well what that means.

...On the First Few Days of School!

2009-09-10T21:52:00.000-07:00

First things first: photos of my room!

MY DESK!!

MY ROOM!!!

CHEMICALS!!!

So, that's a taste of what the room looks like. Old chairs, etc. Lots of chemical supplies, though, even if they are mostly really old. It's all good. We have been mixing things and showing kids reactions and lighting hydrogen balloons (small ones) on fire in class. The usual, you know. It's funny because it's not entirely the kind of science I've been being taught to teach (was that a confusing sentence or what?!), but it's still fun. So much planning is required for anything that it's hard to do much else than demos and introductions right now. We're putting a lot more planning into the first few units. These are the "warm up days" of school, it seems. Especially since we are doing 6 classes a day right now, and starting Monday we will be doing 3 2-hour blocks a day instead. Things will change a LOT then.

Things have been very difficult. I memorized all the students names today, and I think that earned me some street cred. Okay, maybe not STREET CRED, but some type of cred. Does classroom cred exist? Doubtful....anyway, I can feel myself exponentially becoming more of a permanent fixture in the classroom. Students still call me "Miss", but that seems to be the default title for a woman whose name you can't remember. Especially if you are a Spanish speaker. They tend to use Miss instead of Mrs., which is fine with me because it's accurate. I told a kid the other day that I was 36 and his eyes got HUGE. Kids are gullible. Don't worry, I told him that I wasn't, but I still didn't tell him my age. They don't need to know that I'm only ~5 years older than some of them. Later. :)

I've been able to do a little Spanish work in the classroom, translating a few words (siblings = hermanas y hermanos) and catching people saying naughty words (sometimes it's just the WAY they say it, I don't know the word, but when I look at them and pretend I understand, they get sheepish...ha!). One student wrote on a survey we gave them that he wishes one of his teachers would just ONCE speak Spanish in class. I can feel the anxiety already (about speaking Spanish in front of a native speaker), but then I remember that he can barely speak English. Maybe we can trade lessons, who knows?

I've already caught myself focusing in on the typical people that I focus on: the very intrinsically motivated students and the ones that people seem to have given up on. I gravitate towards the extremes. It's something I have to be very mindful of, since there are students who exist in the middle ground who shouldn't be forgotten either!

All in all, this has been stressful, exhausting, awkward, and sometimes a little nerve-wracking. I've found myself really questioning my ability and my drive, etc. etc. However, I also met with my science methods professor and several grad students that work with him, and they really gave me hope that everyone goes through this stage of "HOLY S*%&, WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO?"....So I think I'll ride it out and wait for the successes to pick me up and give me that certainty back that this is something I truly believe in.

I already love the kids, even the mean ones...and especially the scared ones!

Must.....sleep........

....On Being Proud of Yourself (Myself)

2009-09-06T19:49:00.000-07:00

I am currently sitting in Zoka, a coffee shop near my house, working on a few scholarship applications. I am going into the last 6 months of my program, but there is never a better time for help paying the bills, right? I really should be working on these, but I can't stop thinking about something.

Lately, I've been really down on myself, my goals, my life, my accomplishments, etc. I've been thinking things like, "I haven't done anything" and so on. I'm only 23, but I haven't been able to shake the thought that so many of my friends are doing such COOL things, like living in Spain or moving to Boulder for graduate school instead of sticking around Seattle. I haven't been able to really think highly of myself lately, and it's been worrying me because I HAVE TO GET IN FRONT OF SIX CLASSES OF HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS ON WEDNESDAY. Needless to say, some confidence would really help.

As I sit here typing essays about why I'm going to be a qualified teacher, how I'm going to change the world, and why I'm worth thousands of scholarship dollars, I'm beginning to remember exactly why I decided to pursue this profession. It's funny, but I think the best advice I've ever gotten might be from Zoi, my multicultural education professor. She told me, "You know, it might sound silly, but you absolutely have to revisit WHY you want to teach at least every few weeks. You have to remind yourself why the pain and the difficulties are worth it. Otherwise, you won't know why they are, and you won't be able to DO it." So, I guess I'm reminding myself of all the COOL things I've done in the past that led me to this place. It's easy to forget them when they're just words on paper, but when I have to think through them and remind myself of their significance, I remember.

I remember people like Chariti, a girl I worked with on applying to colleges, who eventually started college in a small town in South Carolina 2 hours from my summer internship. I got to move her into her first college dorm, and it was such an incredible honor! I remember schools like T.T. Minor Elementary, which is closed now due to budget issues, that were filled with people (kids and adults) who were completely different from me. I learned more at that school about public education than anywhere else. I remember a time this summer, when I had an incredibly difficult time working with a small group. I felt I could barely held my tears in through a series of disciplinary actions, but managed to retain composure until the students had left. I cried because I was frustrated, because I felt inadequate, and because I knew these students were lashing out at me for much deeper reasons than boredom. That was one of those times that I had to remind myself why I was doing this "teaching thing".

As I sit here and reflect on why I'm here, applying for scholarships to finish a program that can be tedious and painful at times, I feel empowered to drive through the hard times that I'm sure are ahead. The next six months will be excruciating, but they will also be rewarding beyond my wildest dreams, and that is what I will remember when I think back on them. So, thanks for your support, ahead of time, because I'm sure I'll need it......and, back to writing essays!

LID and DID, and more acronyms...

2009-09-01T16:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I started the big "PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT" week (called DID and LID, acronyms) at school. It was insane. We started out in small schools, but then eventually got to a educational service area meeting, with all of my high school's feeder schools. Basically, all the elementary and middle schools in the area. It was a bit overwhelming, since we weren't provided places to sit, nametags, or dignity, like the "real" teachers. Oh, well.

I left yesterday feeling overwhelmed and discouraged about the school I was at, but I'm not going to dwell on that because today was SO MUCH BETTER!

Today we met as a small school, and spent the morning discussing logistics of the school year. We also analyzed data from last year as a group. This included WASL scores and MAP test scores. This school has had some incredible boosts in WASL scores in areas like science, reading, and math, likely due to the SIP (School Improvement Plan) they implemented last year surrounding increasing literacy....incredible! These are the "trouble" areas, so it was really exciting to watch people discover that the work they are doing is having awesome effects!

THEN, on top of that, I got a DESK today! Of my very own! It's an old wooden desk with three drawers, and is set up in the front of the room, just like a real teacher's desk. HA! I could barely contain my excitement in front of all the master teachers at my school today. I thought, "Don't let them see how excited you are! They'll think it's SO newbie of you!" Luckily I managed to not pee my pants in excitement....

Another exciting thing is that I am beginning to build a great relationship with my cooperating teacher (CT), and I have a really great feeling about being matched with her. She has been so supportive already (you should see the DESK she got me!), and I'm getting really little-kid-on-Christmas-Eve-excited for this entire roller coaster to leave the platform.

And I can't believe how many acronyms exist in the world of public education......OMG. :)

First Day of Summer Prep

2009-08-17T17:44:00.000-07:00

Today, I met with my cooperating teacher (CT) for the first time at the school. It was a pretty incredible experience, even though it was mildly disorganized and hectic. We also got locked into the school at the end of the day, so that was exciting. Luckily, that resulted in my opportunity to meet with the principal, who is such a fantastic guy.

I learned a few things today about this school.

First of all, let me explain. My school is located in a part of unincorporated King County. In other words, no one wants to annex it. The main argument is that the crime rate would jump so much from the annexation that no nearby city is willing to take it on. However, it is also located in one of the most diverse parts of King County. You can be driving down a street and all of a sudden there are signs in Spanish everywhere. Then, all of a sudden, you are surrounded by Vietnamese, then back to English. It's really amazing. There are a lot of cultures that are well-represented here that aren't as much in other parts of Seattle (El Salvador, for example). It's really exciting!

The school is broken into three small school settings, each with their own set of administrators (including principals), teachers, and staff. They are all housed on the same campus, though. The small school that I will be a part of is focused on fine arts, and is therefore a bit more creative and liberal in terms of student rules. The lockers in the main building for my small school, for example, are painted by the students each year. There are lots of murals and other types of artistic expressions located around the small school buildings.

The two science classrooms are located in a "mixed" building, which is shared by two of the small schools. They are totally bizarre science classrooms, in terms of organization. I suppose it's just that they are small, but setting up the classroom is pretty tough.

That's what I did today with my CT. We decided on groups of 6, so there are seats for thirty students in the class. However, there aren't enough chairs for each spot, and on the first few days of school we will probably have about 33 students. So, that will be interesting! Each "desk" is a table that has space for two students. There are very few matching chairs in the classroom. I'm not sure if I will have a desk or not, as I don't have one yet and there might not be space for it anyway.

Lots of old science equipment, like old balances and crazy looking machines that are straight out of the 70s, not sure what they do. There are lots of beakers and stuff like that, though, so I am excited for chemistry.

Oh, yeah, did I not mention that yet? My CT is teaching 3 periods of Integrated Science (basically biology or life science) and 2 periods of Chemistry. So, not only do I get experience the subject in which my background is in, but I also will get experience in the other endorsement I have (Science, which encompasses chemistry, physics, and earth sciences). It's more or less a perfect experience. I'll also get to see what it's like to plan two different classes simultaneously, which is likely what I will get as a new teacher. At least two subjects. Some teachers get three.

So, anyway, on to what I learned today! I learned that in terms of the WASL, the school has improved drastically. I believe that scores are reported with all three small schools combined. The year before last, only 9% of students passed the science WASL. Last year, 24% passed. This is huge! Although 24% is still really small, that is OVER A 200% CLIMB in passing scores. My CT was beaming when she heard that, for the first time, as the principal let us out of the school (which we were locked into). I also looked through her grade book for last year, and saw one class period in which 8 people got a C or above, with the remaining 22 students getting a D or an F. Most of them failed. That was really hard to see, but as she said, it's the way it is. If you superimpose a graph showing attendance and one showing grades, you can see that the students who have 15-30 days of unexcused absence are the ones who also get F grades.

Needless to say, I am so psyched to work in this district, at this school, and with this teacher. The area intrigues me, the diversity excites me, and I think it's going to be a perfect fit. I think it will be really challenging, as well, and I welcome that with open arms. I am going to continue to keep my journal here, in blog form, so that those of you I invite to check it out can keep tabs on my journey to become a teacher. Since this is a public forum, I won't be using any names at all. So, my teacher will always be my CT, and I won't name the school. Some of you know where I am, etc., but I feel obligated to keep names unpublished out of respect for privacy.

I go back tomorrow to hang posters in the classroom and then talk curricula with the other science teacher in the small school and her intern, also someone from my program.

Learning to Teach

2009-04-12T21:48:00.000-07:00

It struck me tonight that I am, indeed, learning how to teach. I'm told that I will never stop learning (as I am teaching), and that teaching is, in fact, the best way to learn. One of my classes is actually called "Teaching for Learning". It's all very confusing, but I suppose the point is to remind us that we are never solely teachers. We are also learners, and will always be. Perhaps that's the most important thing for us to teach our students: how to be open to learning.

Two weeks into this program, and I've already questioned what I'm doing here. It's amazing what change will do to a person's confidence. At the risk of sounding stupid, or pathetic....this program is hard work! I am pretty sure I could get by alright without fully engaging myself, but that's certainly not how I do things. The program is forcing me to challenge all the things about my teaching that I always red flagged as "something to work on": preparedness, pre-thinking, planning and re-planning. Last week, as I was in class listening to m professor talk about developing a lesson plan, I thought, "This is so much work....am I really cut out for something that requires this much dedication and preparedness?"

Well, I've had a few days to really let that sink in, and I think the answer is, simply, "YES!" I have been motivated to teach this way by the students I have worked with in the past. As they drift a little further into my past, I think I'm letting myself the important lessons they taught me. Going into this profession is about me, because it's my career, and it's my passion....but it's also about the students who aren't getting the attention they deserve. It's also about the students who are given the impression that they can't do something because they don't know English well enough, or because their parents don't sit with them at the table at night doing homework. It's about the students who have it in them to do great things, but are afraid to because they might be laughed at. It's about them! That's where the passion really is, for me: helping those students see their talents and abilities for what they really are (glorious!), and then watching what they do with that.

So, here I am, on a Sunday night, working on lesson plans and getting distracted by my own, rediscovered......naive ideologies. But you know what? I like these ideologies, because they give me hope that I can change a dangerous path for someone. They empower me to be a quality teacher who is prepared and ready for the tough challenges. I'd rather be empowered, ready, and perhaps naive than disenfranchised, bored, and cynical.

I suppose I should continue getting my work done.....toodles!

Goals

2009-04-08T16:09:00.000-07:00

I've been in my graduate program for almost two weeks now, and feel that it would be a good idea to chronicle the experience in some way. A lot of people have been asking me about what the program is like, how I feel about it, and all of those usual questions. I thought, "Maybe I should just write all of this down!" That way, I'll have a record of the changes I am going through, the feelings I am having, and all of the other life-changing events that might happen to me. Reflection is a powerful tool, and I don't use it enough. Right now, I am entering a new chapter of my life. A lot of things are changing, and I'm learning a lot about how to take more control over my emotions and my reactions to things. It's been a long time since I've had a journal or diary to look back on, but every time I have had one, it's been helpful, so I thought I would give it another whirl.

And hell, why not make it public? :)